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The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016. Dmmp
The pie charts represent the amount of revenue sources and expenditures in the year 2016 for kids charity in the USA. As meticulously shown in the charts, at the beginning of the period investment income was contributed least portion, while, donated food was most significant revenue. In comparison, in expenditures section program services became major part as well as management and general was lowest section at the end of the period. Firstly, revenue source of investment income was accounted 0. 2%. Whereas, management and general was generated 1. 6% in expenditure sector. To following these, other income sources slightly increased to 0. 4%, likewise, there was a bit growth in the proportion of fundraising in expenditures around 2. 6%. In the same vein, program revenue source was risen to 2. 2% and community contributions rose to 10. 4% the second highest fraction in revenue sources. On contrary, there was a mass percentage reported for donated food approximately 86. 6%. Oppositely, in expenditures program services consist of major contribution rather than other sources around 95. 8%. To conclude, Although, school charity had huge revenue sources, expenditures also highly reported in 2016.
The pie charts represent the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
in the year 2016 for kids charity in the USA.

As
meticulously
shown in the charts, at the beginning of the period investment income
was contributed
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
portion, while, donated food was
Did you mean "the most"?
most
significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
.
In comparison
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
section program services became major part
as well
as management and general was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
section at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of investment income
was accounted
0. 2%. Whereas, management and general
was generated
1. 6% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
sector. To following these, other income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
slightly
increased to 0. 4%,
likewise
, there was a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
bit
growth in the proportion of fundraising in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
around 2. 6%.

In the same vein, program
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
was risen
to 2. 2% and community contributions rose to 10. 4% the second highest fraction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
. On contrary, there was a mass percentage reported for donated food approximately 86. 6%.
Oppositely
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
program services consist of major contribution
rather
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
around 95. 8%.

To conclude
, Although, school charity had huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
revenue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditures
also
highly
reported in 2016.
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IELTS academic The pie chart shows the amount of money that a children's charity located in the USA spent and received in one year, 2016.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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