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The pie chart shows the activities preferred by boys and girls.

The pie chart shows the activities preferred by boys and girls. NrOg2
The given pie charts demonstrate the information about the survey which shows the cultural and free time activities were preferred by boys and girls. From the overall analysis, it is noticeable that the highest percentage of boys preferred computer games in their free time. while only few girls love to listen to music. As it is crystal clear from the chart that majority of boys gave preference to play computer games and basketball in spare time which was accounted at 26% and 34% respectively. whereas, 17 % boys liked to play soccer in leisure time. the similar proportion of boys did skate boarding and listening to music in free time that was 10% and 11%. while only 2% boys considered reading as leisure time activity. Moving further 15% girls preferred Netbal and 16% computer games in spare time. however dancing was preferred by 27% girls. the highest proportion of girls like to do reading in their free time with 20% and 11% gymnastics.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts demonstrate the information about the survey which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the cultural and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
activities were
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preferred
by
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boys
and girls.

From the
overall
analysis, it is noticeable that the highest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preferred
computer games in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to listen to music.

As it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the chart that majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
gave preference to play computer games and basketball in spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
was accounted
at 26% and 34%
respectively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
whereas
, 17 %
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
liked to play soccer in leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
similar proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
boys
did skate boarding and listening to music in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that was 10% and 11%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2%
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boys
considered reading as leisure
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time
activity.

Moving
further
15%
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girls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preferred
Possible spelling mistake found.
Netbal
and 16% computer games in spare
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time
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
dancing was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
preferred
by 27%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
highest proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
like to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go reading".
do reading
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with 20% and 11% gymnastics.
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IELTS academic The pie chart shows the activities preferred by boys and girls.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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