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the pie chart show about the oscar winner by film in 2003 and 2008 by genre

the pie chart show about the oscar winner by film in 2003 and 2008 by genre paYYL
The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of Oscar winner by the kind of movie between 2003 and 2008. In 2003, the Oscar winner is thriller movie with almost 45 per cent and just under 10 per cent people watched documentary, romance and science fiction. Furthermore, people more like to watched action and horor film, it was neraly 20 per cent. In addition, the lowest movie that people chose was comedy film, it was over 5 per cent. On the other hand, the thriller movie was decreased to a quarter per cent in the 2008. Also for horror movie was falling jus under 10 percent. Unlike gthe trend for science fiction was grew up to almost 20 per cent. Overall, the pie show that it was only a little bit grew in films coulld be a winner in the Oscar between in the 2003 and the 2008. The most noticeable change was the decreased in the number of thriller movie.
The two pie charts illustrate the proportion of Oscar winner by the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
between 2003 and 2008.

In 2003, the Oscar winner is thriller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
with almost 45 per cent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 10 per cent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
documentary, romance and science fiction.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
action and
Possible spelling mistake found.
horor
film, it was
Possible spelling mistake found.
neraly
20 per cent.
In addition
, the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chose was comedy film, it was over 5 per cent.

On the other hand
, the thriller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
was decreased
to a quarter per cent in the 2008.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
for horror
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
was falling
Possible spelling mistake found.
jus
under 10 percent. Unlike
Possible spelling mistake found.
gthe
trend for science fiction was
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grew
up to almost 20 per cent.

Overall
, the pie
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
grew in films
Possible spelling mistake found.
coulld
be a winner in the Oscar between in the 2003 and the 2008. The most noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
was the decreased in the number of thriller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
.
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IELTS academic the pie chart show about the oscar winner by film in 2003 and 2008 by genre

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
160 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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