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The pie chart introduces the main reasons of migrating in the UK in the year 2017

The pie chart introduces the main reasons of migrating in the UK in the year 2017 JwXn6
The pie charts give information about the proportion of immigration and emigration to the United Kingdom in the year 2007. Overall, it can be seen that a greater percentage of people migrated mainly for employment and study purpose, while there was a smaller amount of people emigrating for studies in the UK. A closer look at the pie chart helps us to notice that having a definite job accounted for 30% of all immigration to the UK, and this figure was quite similar for emigration which is 29%. Also, a large number of people which is 26 in percentage immigrated for formal study, but the percentage of people entering the UK for this purpose was significantly lower, 4%. Another major factor is moving from the UK in order to find a permanent job, 22%. However, the proportion of people immigrating to the UK is only a small number, 12%. The proportion of those moving to join a family is the same for both immigration and emigration, at 15% and 13% respectively. Although there is a significant difference between no reason immigration and emigration, at 6% and 18% respectively.
The pie charts give information about the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
and emigration to the United Kingdom in the year 2007.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a greater percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrated
mainly
for employment and study purpose, while there was a smaller amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
emigrating for studies in the UK.

A closer look at the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to notice that having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
job accounted for 30% of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
to the UK, and this figure was quite similar for emigration which is 29%.
Also
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which is 26 in percentage immigrated for formal study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
entering the UK for this purpose was
significantly
lower, 4%.

Another major factor is moving from the UK in order to find a permanent job, 22%.
However
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrating to the UK is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number, 12%.

The proportion of those moving to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a family is the same for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
and emigration, at 15% and 13%
respectively
. Although there is a significant difference between no reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigration
and emigration, at 6% and 18%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic The pie chart introduces the main reasons of migrating in the UK in the year 2017

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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