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The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live.

The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live. 5jkm
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of people living in Australia with different nationalities, while the table indicates the distribution of these people in cities and rural areas. Overall, it can be seen that the majority of Australia’s population was born in this country. In addition, most of people in Australia live in urban areas. As can be seen from the pie chart, Australia accounted for the greatest percentage of 73%, which is about 7 times higher than that of the UK. It is noticeable that the people who were born in New Zealand, China and Netherlands merely made up small proportions, with 1%, 2% and 3% respectively. Besides, nearly one-fourth of Australia’s population come from other countries. Moving on, UK and Netherlands share the same percentage of people living in rural areas, with about 10%, which is double that of New Zealand. Surprisingly, while the figure for Australian living in cities is only 83%, that of Chinese constitute exactly 99%.
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in Australia with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nationalities, while the table indicates the distribution of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in cities and rural areas.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the majority of Australia’s population
was born
in this country.
In addition
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in urban areas.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the pie chart, Australia accounted for the greatest percentage of 73%, which is about 7 times higher than that of the UK. It is noticeable that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
were born
in New Zealand, China and Netherlands
merely
made up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportions, with 1%, 2% and 3%
respectively
.
Besides
,
nearly
one-fourth of Australia’s population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from other countries.

Moving on, UK and Netherlands share the same percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in rural areas, with about 10%, which is double that of New Zealand.
Surprisingly
, while the figure for Australian living in cities is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
83%, that of Chinese constitute exactly 99%.
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The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS academic The Pie chart gives information about the country of birth of people living in Australia and the table shows where people born in these countries live.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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