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The given bar chart below show the result of survey conducted by a personal department at a major company the survey was carried out on two groups of workers :those age from 18-30 and those aged 45-60 and shows factors affecting on their performance.

The given bar chart below show the result of survey conducted by a personal department at a major company the survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those age from 18-30 and those aged 45-60 and shows factors affecting on their performance. rPDo
The given bar chart illustrates that major company conducted for survey for personal department. Employee of two groups was carried the survey, first group aged was 18-30 and second group aged of 45-60. There are many different type of component affected on their operation. As can be clearly seen that, One of the most affected reason for first group workers were opportunity for personal growth about 90 percent and one of the lowest affected factors was work environment which was about 30 percent. Observing further, Team spirit had similarly affected factor on both groups nearly 60 percent. relaxed working environment and promotion are equally affected reason for first group. Money was the most affected reason for second group.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates that major
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
conducted for survey for
Did you mean the noun "personnel"?
personal
department. Employee of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
was carried
the survey,
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
aged was 18-30 and second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
aged of 45-60. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of component
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
on their operation. As can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, One of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
reason for
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
workers were opportunity for personal growth about 90 percent and one of the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
factors was work environment which was about 30 percent. Observing
further
, Team spirit had
similarly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
factor on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
nearly
60 percent.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
relaxed
working environment and promotion are
equally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
reason for
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. Money was the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affected
reason for second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.

IELTS academic The given bar chart below show the result of survey conducted by a personal department at a major company the survey was carried out on two groups of workers: those age from 18-30 and those aged 45-60 and shows factors affecting on their performance.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
118 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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