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The pie chart gives information about of the average household expenditure in Japan and Malaysia in the of 2010.

The pie chart gives information about of the average household expenditure in Japan and Malaysia in the of 2010. bQJV3
The given pie chart illustrated data about the average family expenses in both nations Japan and Malaysia in 2010. To begin with, most of the expenditure in japan was made on good and other services, it comprised to 29% of the total expensive as compared to Malaysia, which only spent 26%, correspondingly. While, food come as a second choice for Japanese, with 24 %. In contrast, approx, 27% Malaysian people wanted to buy a food items. Next, the expenditure of medical was 6% in Japan, which ratio was twice than Malaysia. Moving towards, in Japan, the rate of expenditure for house accommodation had only 21%. However, Malaysia had the numerous of expenditure for house was 34%, respectively. In terms of transport, Japan spent 20% money on it, whereas, Malaysia spent just 10% money on transportation. Overall, it is vividly seen that, they share similar expenditure in 2010 Where most of the money was spend at household, food, housing, and other good and services.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie chart illustrated data about the average family expenses in both nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
and Malaysia in 2010.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
japan
was made
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and other services, it comprised to 29% of the total expensive as compared to Malaysia, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spent 26%,
correspondingly
. While, food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a second choice for Japanese, with 24 %.
In contrast
, approx, 27% Malaysian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a food items.
Next
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
of medical was 6% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, which ratio was
Use "(twice)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
twice
than Malaysia.

Moving towards, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
accommodation had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
21%.
However
, Malaysia had
The phrase 'the numerous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
was 34%,
respectively
. In terms of transport,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
spent 20% money on it, whereas, Malaysia spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
10% money on transportation.

Overall
, it is
vividly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, they share similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expenditure
in 2010 Where most of the money was
Consider using a past participle here: "spent".
spend
at household, food, housing, and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and services.
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IELTS academic The pie chart gives information about of the average household expenditure in Japan and Malaysia in the of 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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