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the percentage of water consumption and use in Australian in 2004

the percentage of water consumption and use in Australian in 2004 VQ9qK
The charts show the percentage of water use in Australia in 2004, in terms of the type of consumer and how the water was used in residential areas. Overall, it can be seen that the large majority of water use in Australia was in the residential sector, and the biggest uses of that water was in bathrooms and gardens. In 2004, 70% of all water use in Australia was in the residential sector, with 50% used in houses and 20% used in apartments. Industrial use and businesses accounted for 11% and 10% of the overall water use, while the government and other uses made up 6% and 3% respectively. A large portion of the water that was used in residential areas was consumed in bathrooms and gardens, at 27% and 28% respectively. The water that was used to wash clothes accounted for 20%, while toilets and kitchens consumed 15% and 10% of the total residential water.
The charts
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show
the percentage of
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water
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use
in Australia in 2004, in terms of the type of consumer and how the
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water
was
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used
in
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residential
areas.

Overall
, it can be
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seen
that the large majority of
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water
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use
in Australia was in the
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residential
sector, and the biggest
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uses
of that
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water
was in bathrooms and gardens.

In 2004, 70% of all
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water
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use
in Australia was in the
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residential
sector, with 50%
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used
in
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houses
and 20%
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used
in apartments. Industrial
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use
and businesses accounted for 11% and 10% of the
overall
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water
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use
, while the
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government
and other
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uses
made up 6% and 3%
respectively
.

A large portion of the
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water
that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
areas
was consumed
in bathrooms and gardens, at 27% and 28%
respectively
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wash clothes accounted for 20%, while toilets and kitchens consumed 15% and 10% of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.

IELTS academic the percentage of water consumption and use in Australian in 2004

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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