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The percentage of sale of music in 2011 and 2018

The percentage of sale of music in 2011 and 2018 kLKyR
The line chart sets out the proposition of music sales by the streams, download and CDs purchased between 2011 and 2018. Overall, it can be seen clearly that, streams saw the greatest rise except downloads and CDs purchasing. Moreover, sales of downloading music followed by an upswing and CDs purchaseing was only music sale which expressed the downward trend over the given time of period. Moving for the purpose of streams. Sale of the music streams stood at the dipped in 2011, then it sharply grew all over the period and reached at the peak point approximately 42% in 2018. However in 2011 the sale of music CDs purchaseing at the highest at around more than a half then it showed the downward trend and steadily declined at 30% in 2016. Again it was decreasing and reached the lowest point near to a quarter in latter year. Turning to ' Download music sale ' this sale rose steadily from a quarter in 2011 to 42% in 2014 then it fall down by 12% in the final year.
The line chart sets out the proposition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
, download and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
between 2011 and 2018.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
clearly
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the greatest rise except downloads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
purchasing.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of downloading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
followed by an upswing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
Possible spelling mistake found.
purchaseing
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
which expressed the downward trend over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time of period. Moving for the purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sale
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
streams
stood at the dipped in 2011, then it
sharply
grew all over the period and reached at the peak point approximately 42% in 2018.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in 2011 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
CDs
Possible spelling mistake found.
purchaseing
at the highest at around more than a half then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the downward trend and
steadily
declined at 30% in 2016. Again it was decreasing and reached the lowest point near to a quarter in latter year. Turning to
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
Download
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sale
rose
steadily
from a quarter in 2011 to 42% in 2014 then it
Did you mean "falls"?
fall
down by 12% in the final year.
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IELTS academic The percentage of sale of music in 2011 and 2018

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
177 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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