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The graph shows the number of people, with respect to different age groups, taking part in sports activities from 2010 to 2014

The graph shows the number of people, with respect to different age groups, taking part in sports activities from 2010 to 2014 5kWpp
The chart details age demographics as they relate to participation in sports activities in five successive years represented in billions. Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that older people, particularly in the oldest age bracket, tended to have the least whereas younger people had the most participation in sports activities. To initiate an understanding of the information, in terms of statistics, the highest number of sports participants had witnessed in the year 2014, amount around 14, 9, and 7 billion from three different age groups. In 2010, it began with nearly 6 billion people below the 18 age group, 5 billion in between 18 to 45 age group, and 3 billion in above 45 age group. By the year 2011, it increased to 8, 7, and 4 billion participants; However, it decreased with nearly 7, 3, and 2 billion participants by the end of 2012. Finally, it ended up with 11, 9, and 5 billion sports enthusiasts in 2013.
The chart
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details
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age
demographics as they relate to participation in
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sports
activities in five successive years represented in billions.

Looking from an
overall
perspective, it is
readily
apparent that older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
particularly
in the oldest
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age
bracket, tended to have the least whereas younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had the most participation in
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sports
activities.

To initiate an understanding of the information, in terms of statistics, the highest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
participants had witnessed in the year 2014, amount around 14, 9, and 7
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billion
from three
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different
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age
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groups
. In 2010, it began with
nearly
6
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billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
below the 18
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age
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group
, 5
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billion
in
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 18 and 45".
between 18 to 45
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age
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group
, and 3
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billion
in above 45
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age
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group
. By the year 2011, it increased to 8, 7, and 4
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billion
participants;
However
, it decreased with
nearly
7, 3, and 2
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billion
participants by the
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end
of 2012.
Finally
, it ended up with 11, 9, and 5
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billion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
enthusiasts in 2013.
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IELTS academic The graph shows the number of people, with respect to different age groups, taking part in sports activities from 2010 to 2014

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
162 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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