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the percentage of female member of parliament

the percentage of female member of parliament Xn16q
The line graph illustrates the amount of women members of parliament in 5 different European nations over a 12 year period from 2000 to 2012. Overall, there was an increase in the percentage of female members in all presented countries throughout the entire period. In addition, the UK experienced the most noticeable rise over a period of 12 years. In terms of Germany, Italy, and France, between 2000 and 2008, the rate of women in parliament increased gradually from 33%, 27%, 25% to 35%, 32%, and 28%, respectively. However, the percentage of females in the UK and Belgium were considerably lower than that of rest with an approximately over 15% amount of females and below 5%, respectively. In the following 8 years, the both figures rose suddenly to reach their highest point roughly to 20% and just below 25% of woman numbers, by 2008. Throughout the remainder of the 4 years, there was an insignificant change in the number of women for Germany and France, reaching a rate of over more than a third and less than a third, in turn. In contrast, by 2012, the volume of women increased rapidly in the UK whereas Belgium experienced a decline, both remaining at the same amount approximately 22%.
The line graph illustrates the amount of
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women
members of parliament in 5
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different
European nations
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over
a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "12-year"
12 year
period from 2000 to 2012.

Overall
, there was an increase in the percentage of female members in all presented countries throughout the entire period.
In addition
, the UK experienced the most noticeable rise
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over
a period of 12 years.

In terms of Germany, Italy, and France, between 2000 and 2008, the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in parliament increased
gradually
from 33%, 27%, 25% to 35%, 32%, and 28%,
respectively
.
However
, the percentage of females in the UK and Belgium were
considerably
lower than that of rest with an approximately
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
15% amount of females and below 5%,
respectively
. In the following 8 years, the both figures rose
suddenly
to reach their highest point roughly to 20% and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 25% of woman numbers, by 2008.

Throughout the remainder of the 4 years, there was an insignificant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
for Germany and France, reaching a rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
more than a third and less than a third, in turn.
In contrast
, by 2012, the volume of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
increased
rapidly
in the UK whereas Belgium experienced a decline, both remaining at the same amount approximately 22%.
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IELTS academic the percentage of female member of parliament

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
207 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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