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the percentage of academic staff members who taught seven faculties in university in 2012.

the percentage of academic staff members who taught seven faculties in university in 2012. 75BBb
The bar chart depicts the percentage of academic staff members who taught seven faculties in university in 2012. Overall, the percentage of male dominant is higher than the female. However, Engineering and Education are much greater than other. In general, the number of staff in Arts was minor comparison to faculties. Although the male engineering was 85% and the amount of female which is much lesser that was only 18%. While in the field of education the males were only 25% rather than women were 75%. However, the staff of medicine were more or less similar. Addison, in science subject slightly more than half of the academic were female were 55%. On the other hand, Science and Business had the same proportion of men and women with 65% male to 35% female in both academic. Law has also higher percentage of male dominate which was 60 %. To the sum the faculties of Engineering, Science, Law and Business were malignant. However, in the faculty of Arts and Education were women predominant.
The bar chart depicts the percentage of academic staff members who taught seven faculties in university in 2012.

Overall
, the percentage of male dominant is higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
.
However
, Engineering and Education are much greater than other.
In general
, the number of staff in Arts was minor comparison to faculties.

Although the male engineering was 85% and the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
which is much lesser that was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
18%.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
in the field of education the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
25%
rather
than women were 75%.
However
, the staff of medicine were more or less similar.

Addison, in science subject
slightly
more than half of the academic were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
were 55%.
On the other hand
, Science and Business had the same proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women with 65% male to 35%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in both academic. Law has
also
higher percentage of male dominate which was 60 %.

To the sum the faculties of Engineering, Science, Law and Business were malignant.
However
, in the faculty of Arts and Education were women predominant.
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IELTS academic the percentage of academic staff members who taught seven faculties in university in 2012.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
171 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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