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The percentage and exact time weekly males and females spent on house tasks in 2010 of a country

The percentage and exact time weekly males and females spent on house tasks in 2010 of a country BJWe5
The bar chart illustrates how many percentage did females and males join in house chores and how much time did they spend in those tasks in every week in 2020 of an unknown country. Regarding to the chart indicating the rate of participation in housework, it is quite evident that almost the number of participants was females, apart from house repair. Noticeably, the hugest distance in the chart came from cooking meal, which shows the gap of 61%, namely the females accounts for 85%, this also lead to the biggest number in this survey, followed by the second largest number of 62% females doing the cleaning, about quadrupling the males. The least difference of the quantity of participants among genders can be found in caring pets as males occupy 18%, just 5% lower than females. The number of males who did house repair and caring pets was quite similar, but this time females were 8%. In terms of the amount of time both genders took, a substantial fourfold gap was shown in cooking meals and cleaning, specifically, females averagely spent 82 minutes and 42 minutes in cooking and cleaning respectively, meanwhile males counterparts only took 21 minutes to cook and 10 minutes to clean. Interestingly, the same quantity of time was spent in caring pets, but men devoted more time in house repair (14 minutes) since females just took 2 minutes. Overall, the participation in house chores was in direct proportion to the time both genders used to do those tasks. Particularly, females were more involved in most of house works while males only took cared roughly house repair.
The bar chart illustrates how
Possible agreement error. The noun percentage seems to be countable; consider using: "many percentages".
many percentage
did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
chores and how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
did they spend in those tasks in every week in 2020 of an unknown country.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the chart indicating the rate of participation in housework, it is quite evident that almost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of participants was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
, apart from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
.
Noticeably
, the hugest distance in the chart came from cooking meal, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the gap of 61%,
namely
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
accounts for 85%, this
also
lead to the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
in this survey, followed by the second largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of 62%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
doing the cleaning, about quadrupling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
. The least difference of the quantity of participants among genders can
be found
in caring pets as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
occupy 18%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5% lower than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
who did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
and caring pets was quite similar,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were 8%.

In terms of the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
both genders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
, a substantial fourfold gap
was shown
in cooking meals and cleaning,
specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
averagely
spent 82 minutes and 42 minutes in cooking and cleaning
respectively
, meanwhile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
counterparts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
21 minutes to cook and 10 minutes to clean.
Interestingly
, the same quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was spent
in caring pets,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
devoted more
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time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
(14 minutes) since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
2 minutes.

Overall
, the participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
chores was in direct proportion to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
both genders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do those tasks.
Particularly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were more involved in most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
works while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
took
cared roughly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
repair
.
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IELTS academic The percentage and exact time weekly males and females spent on house tasks in 2010 of a country

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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