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The numbers of prisoners in five particular countries

The numbers of prisoners in five particular countries 8dngP
The bar chart shows changes in the number of prisoners in five particular countries over the course of 50 years. In general, the rate for individuals imprisoned in the USA was highest in most of the given period with the UK having the lowest index during the same years. However, there were a number of sharps and downs in the figure for Australia, New Zealand and Canada. After keeping the same level for the first decade, the proportion of prisoners in Great Britain increased with the figure rising by 8200 in 1980. On the other hand, the index for Australia showed great variations over the given period falling to a low of 40000 in 1950 and reaching a high of approximately 63000 in 1970. In 1930 the proportion for New Zealand accounted for 100000, a figure which then experienced a sharp decline prior to a gradual rise with the figure reaching up to 83000 in 1980. As far as the USA is concerned the proportion went up to approximately 140000 in 1990 although there was a period of volatility. Moreover, the figure for Canada fluctuated a great deal between 90000 and 120000 in this five decades.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the number of prisoners in five particular countries over the course of 50 years.

In general
, the rate for individuals imprisoned in the USA was highest in most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period with the UK having the lowest index during the same years.
However
, there were a number of sharps and downs in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for Australia, New Zealand and Canada.

After keeping the same level for the
first
decade, the proportion of prisoners in Great Britain increased with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
rising by 8200 in 1980.
On the other hand
, the index for Australia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
great variations over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period falling to a low of 40000 in 1950 and reaching a high of approximately 63000 in 1970.

In 1930 the proportion for New Zealand accounted for 100000, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
which then experienced a sharp decline prior to a gradual rise with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
reaching up to 83000 in 1980.

As far as the USA
is concerned
the proportion went up to approximately 140000 in 1990 although there was a period of volatility.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for Canada fluctuated a great deal between 90000 and 120000 in this five decades.
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IELTS academic The numbers of prisoners in five particular countries

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
196 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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