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The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below.

The graph compares the number of visitor in Dubai and Malaysia between 1995 and 2003. Overall more tourist came to Malaysia but after 2000, Dubai climbed and got more visitor than Malaysia. As it is illustrated, in 1995 foreigner in Malaysia are doubled in number of tourist around 100 thousand compared to Dubai which gain only 50thousand. The next year foreigner in Malaysia increased slightly just over 100 thousand while Dubai as one of middle east countries saw decreased movement. furthermore, from 4 years of period between 1996 to 2000 both Malaysia and Dubai rised rapidly and reached the same number of new comers in 2000, accounting for over than 300 thousand. In contrast to previous changes, Dubai enjoyed improvement about 75 thousand visitors than before in 2000 while Malaysia experienced decreasement of number of visitors, hit just under 200 thousand. At the end, Dubai had more visitor than Malaysia as one of south asian countries.
The graph compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
in Dubai and Malaysia between 1995 and 2003.
Overall
more tourist came to Malaysia
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 2000, Dubai climbed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more
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visitor
than Malaysia.

As it
is illustrated
, in 1995 foreigner in Malaysia
are doubled
in
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number
of tourist around 100 thousand compared to Dubai which gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
50thousand. The
next
year foreigner in Malaysia increased
slightly
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just
over 100 thousand while Dubai as one of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
middle east
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
decreased movement.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
furthermore
, from 4 years of period
After “between”, use “and”, not “to”.
between 1996 to 2000
both Malaysia and Dubai
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean “rose”, the past tense form of the verb ‘rise’?
rised
rapidly
and reached the same
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number
of
This word is normally spelled as one.
new comers
in 2000, accounting for over than 300 thousand.

In contrast
to previous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, Dubai enjoyed improvement about 75 thousand
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visitors
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
in 2000 while Malaysia experienced
Possible spelling mistake found.
decreasement
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
, hit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 200 thousand. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, Dubai had more
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visitor
than Malaysia as one of south
Possible spelling mistake found.
asian
countries.
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IELTS academic The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
156 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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