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the number of men and women competed in the Olympic games

the number of men and women competed in the Olympic games 3WQgm
The bar chart depicts the number of men and women who competed in the Olympic games, while the line graph depicts the total number of competitors. The information is provided for four years: 1924, 1952, 1984, and 2012. Overall, During these 88 years, the total number of participants climbed continuously, and the proportion of women competing in the Olympic games increased. Men's participation in the Olympic games increased significantly, nearly doubling from 3000 in 1924 to about 6000 in 2012. Despite the fact that women's participation in the Olympics was smaller than men in each of the four years, their contribution to the games changed dramatically. In 1924, only around 100 women out of about 3100 athletes competed in the Olympic games, but in 2012, more than 4500 women competed in the Olympic games out of a little more than 10000 athletes (about 40 percent of whole participants).
The bar chart depicts the number of
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men
and
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women
who competed in the Olympic
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games
, while the line graph depicts the total number of competitors. The information
is provided
for four years: 1924, 1952, 1984, and 2012.

Overall
, During these 88 years, the total number of participants climbed
continuously
, and the proportion of
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women
competing in the Olympic
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games
increased.

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Men
's participation in the Olympic
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games
increased
significantly
,
nearly
doubling from 3000 in 1924 to about 6000 in 2012. Despite the fact that women's participation in the Olympics was smaller than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in each of the four years, their contribution to the
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games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
.

In 1924,
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only
around 100
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women
out of about 3100 athletes competed in the Olympic
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games
,
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but
in 2012, more than 4500
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women
competed in the Olympic
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games
out of a
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little
more than 10000 athletes (about 40 percent of whole participants).
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IELTS academic the number of men and women competed in the Olympic games

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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