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the number of basketball players

the number of basketball players XlB3E
Presented for consideration is a line graph detailing figures for the number of people who played basketball in 4 different states of America from 1990 to 2000. From an observational perspective, it can be seen that the number of players in Florida and Wisconsin, there is an upward trend, while Texas and Arizona saw a decrease. Another point worth mentioning is that Wisconsin always had the most basketball players throughout the period from 1990 to 2000. Breaking the figures down into greater detail, it can be seen that the number of people in Florida who played basketball, they increased dramatically from 1. 2 millions to 4 millions between 1990 and 2000. In realation to the amount of basketball players in Wisconsin, they began at 5 million and then remained relatively unchanged the following year, before jumping considerably to about 6. 1 millions during a period of 6 years. Turning to remaining statistics, where the number of people in Texas decreased constanly from 3 in 1990 to 2 millions players in 2000. Concurrently, the number of players in Arizona fluctuated between 3 and 4. 1 millions from 1990 to 1998 and after that they fell rapidly to about 1. 1 millions in the last year.
Presented for consideration is a line graph detailing figures for the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who played
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basketball
in 4
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
states of America from 1990 to 2000.

From an observational perspective, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in Florida and Wisconsin, there is an upward trend, while Texas and Arizona
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a decrease. Another point worth mentioning is that Wisconsin always had the most
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basketball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
throughout the period from 1990 to 2000.

Breaking the figures down into greater detail, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Florida who played
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basketball
, they increased
dramatically
from 1. 2
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millions
to 4
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millions
between 1990 and 2000. In
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realation
to the amount of
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basketball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in Wisconsin, they began at 5
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million
and then remained
relatively
unchanged the following year,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
jumping
considerably
to about 6. 1
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millions
during a period of 6 years.

Turning to remaining statistics, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Texas decreased
Possible spelling mistake found.
constanly
from 3 in 1990 to 2
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millions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in 2000.
Concurrently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
in Arizona fluctuated between 3 and 4. 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
from 1990 to 1998 and after that they fell
rapidly
to about 1. 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in the
‘last year’ indicates a finished event of the past. Please check the predicate's tense.
last year
.
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IELTS academic the number of basketball players

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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