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the number of accidents and injuries that occured every 100 million passengers miles traveled accros all modes of transport during the year 2002.

the number of accidents and injuries that occured every 100 million passengers miles traveled accros all modes of transport during the year 2002. 15bmM
The diagram illustrates the number of accidents and injuries that occured every 100 million passengers miles traveled accros all modes of transport during the year 2002. To embark on, There is a big discrepancy between demand response and all the other modes of transport. Where the number of incidents is an astonishing 250 incidents and just under 170 injuries per 100 million PMT which completely dwarfing all other transportation types. The closest other transport type is the bus which clocks in at around 70 incidents per 100 million PMT though the amount of injuries is quite high at around 60 Per 100 million PMT. The lowest percentage of injuries per incidents can be found in the light rail where the number of injuries which is about 40 per 100 million PMT is just over half of the 70 per 100 million PMT of incidents. On the other hand, the highest percentage of injuries per accidents can also be found at the transport type with the lowest incidents overall. Which is commuter rail where the number of is only 20 per 100 million PMT. But the number of injuries is very close 15 per 100 million passenger miles travelled.
The diagram illustrates the
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number
of accidents and
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injuries
that
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occured
every 100
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million
passengers miles traveled
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accros
all modes of
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transport
during the year 2002. To embark on, There is a
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big
discrepancy between demand response and all the
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other
modes of
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transport
. Where the
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number
of
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incidents
is an astonishing 250
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incidents
and
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just
under 170
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injuries
per 100
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million
PMT which completely dwarfing all
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other
transportation types. The closest
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other
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transport
type is the bus which clocks in at around 70
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incidents
per 100
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million
PMT though the amount of
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injuries
is quite high at around 60 Per 100
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million
PMT. The lowest percentage of
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injuries
per
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incidents
can
be found
in the light rail where the
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number
of
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injuries
which is about 40 per 100
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million
PMT is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over half of the 70 per 100
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million
PMT of
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incidents
. On the
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other
hand, the highest percentage of
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injuries
per accidents can
also
be found
at the
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transport
type with the lowest
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incidents
overall
.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is commuter rail where the
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number
of is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
20 per 100
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million
PMT.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injuries
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close 15 per 100
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
passenger miles travelled.
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IELTS academic the number of accidents and injuries that occured every 100 million passengers miles traveled accros all modes of transport during the year 2002.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
198 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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