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number of people who lived in rurl, urban and suburban areas

number of people who lived in rurl, urban and suburban areas jRDQp
The given graphs represent the number of people in millions from different countries who lived in different kinds of areas over a period of four and a half decades. The graphs mainly covering countries like China, Russia, India, Turkey and Indonesia. Overall, the total of people who live in rural and urban areas increased, while, the people who live in suburban areas remained consistent. From 1960 to 2005, the same people who lived in the suburban areas of China, Russia, Turkey and Indonesia remained negligible. Whereas, from 1980 the people who lived in the suburban areas of India increased dramatically that it accounted for the largest statistic in this category at just under 100%, and after 2000 it saw a decline at just above 60% but still remained ahead of all the countries. In contrast, the statistic of people who lived in rural areas increased the most. In all the countries this total increased, whereas this figure of people remained negligible and accounted for the lowest at just under 5 million. While the figure of people in China increased dramatically and accounted for the largest number in this group at just under 20 million. The Urban Areas saw the most fluctuation. Russia and Indonesia remained unchanged throughout the period of time. Whereas, China increased at a huge total at just above 80 million leading the entire group.
The
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given
graphs represent the number of
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people
in millions from
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different
countries
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who
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lived
in
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different
kinds of
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areas
over a period of four and a half decades. The graphs
mainly
covering countries like China, Russia, India, Turkey and Indonesia.

Overall
, the total of
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people
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in rural and urban
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areas
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increased
, while, the
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people
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in suburban
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areas
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remained
consistent.

From 1960 to 2005, the same
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people
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who
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lived
in the suburban
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areas
of China, Russia, Turkey and Indonesia
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remained
negligible. Whereas, from 1980 the
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lived
in the suburban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of India
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increased
dramatically
that it accounted for the largest statistic in this category at
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just
under 100%, and after 2000 it
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saw
a decline at
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just
above 60%
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but
still
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remained
ahead of all the countries.

In contrast
, the statistic of
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people
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who
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lived
in rural
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areas
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increased
the most. In all the countries this total
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increased
, whereas this figure of
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people
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remained
negligible and accounted for the lowest at
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just
under 5 million. While the figure of
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people
in China
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increased
dramatically
and accounted for the largest number in this group at
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just
under 20 million.

The Urban
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Areas
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saw
the most fluctuation. Russia and Indonesia
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remained
unchanged throughout the period of time.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, China
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increased
at a huge total at
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just
above 80 million leading the entire group.
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IELTS academic number of people who lived in rurl, urban and suburban areas

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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