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some people believes hospital could improve in 3 years with money. discuss to extent advantages and disadvatages

some people believes hospital could improve in 3 years with money. discuss to extent advantages and disadvatages GM3WQ
The two maps represent a city hospital accessible road in 2007 and in 2010. That's two maps gives information city hospital has been features changed between 2007 to 2010. In 2007, city hospital were not any regular bus station, while bus station was relating two roundabouts in 2010. Besides, Car park has been shared 2 parts; staff and public, but both of them in the same area in 2007 when compared to 2010. Also public car park in near to city hospital and staff car park between to city hospitals to city road in 2010. Maps 2, about 2010, showed city hospital was systematic and improving compared to 2007s map. Ring road and hospital road did not change both of the maps. Overall, the two maps illustrated to City hospital areas were developed and also it has regularly ways in 2007 and in 2010.
The two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
maps
represent a city
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hospital
accessible
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road
in 2007 and in 2010. That's two
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maps
gives information city
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hospital
has been features
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2007 and 2010".
between 2007 to 2010
.

In 2007, city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
were not any regular bus station, while bus station was relating two roundabouts in 2010.
Besides
, Car park has
been shared
2 parts; staff and public,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
both of them in the same area in 2007 when compared to 2010.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
public car park in near to city
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hospital
and staff car park between to city
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hospitals
to city
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road
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
2010. Maps
2, about 2010,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
was systematic and improving compared to 2007s
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map
. Ring
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road
and
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hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
both of the maps.

Overall
, the two
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maps
illustrated to City
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
areas
were developed
and
also
it has
regularly
ways in 2007 and in 2010.
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IELTS academic some people believes hospital could improve in 3 years with money. discuss to extent advantages and disadvatages

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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