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What are the main features of developing agriculture?

What are the main features of developing agriculture? m18D1
This diagram is the information about is agriculture, manufacturing, and business and financial services – to the UK economy in the twentieth century. These three sectors show us the development over the years. The first chart shows 1900 years when agriculture was 49%, manufacturing - 45% and business only 2-3%. In 1950 the agriculture increased by 2-3%, business increased by 7-8%, but manufacturing decreased by 6-7%. If we compare the data of the 1900 sector with 2000, we will see the following: agriculture decreased by 48%, manufacturing increased by 33-35%. Also we can see that agriculture decreased by more 50 % and in the near future we may lose this sector altogether. Сlearly, diagram shows that the importance of finance and business has grown over the past hundred years and that this trend will continue to grow in the coming decades.
This diagram is the information about is
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agriculture
,
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manufacturing
, and
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business
and financial services
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–
to the UK economy in the twentieth century. These three sectors
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show
us the development over the years.

The
first
chart
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shows
1900 years when
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agriculture
was 49%,
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manufacturing
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-
45% and
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business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2-3%. In 1950 the
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agriculture
increased by 2-3%,
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business
increased by 7-8%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
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manufacturing
decreased by 6-7%.

If we compare the data of the 1900 sector with 2000, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the following:
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agriculture
decreased by 48%,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
increased by 33-35%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
decreased by more 50 % and in the near future we may lose this sector altogether.

С
learly
, diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the importance of finance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
has grown over the past hundred years and that this trend will continue to grow in the coming decades.

IELTS academic What are the main features of developing agriculture?

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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