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The linear graph depicts the information about the ratio of the citizens aged 65 in three various Nations and over between 1940 and 2040

The linear graph depicts the information about the ratio of the citizens aged 65 in three various Nations and over between 1940 and 2040 lWlRK
From the overall perspective, it is crystal clear that the ratio of natives is 265 and above is highest in the the Japan as compared to others. Looking at the details, in 1940 e the ratio of Japan was 5 percentage as well as it was slightly dropped in 1960. Moreover, it was slowly increased in 2000 along with from 2020 to 2040 it was sharply soar more than 25 percentage. Furthermore, the proportion of USA was less than 10 % in 1940 and after 20 year it was 10 %. It was steadily increased by 5 percentage in 1980. Whereas, it was slowly dropped in 2020. After that, it was significantly increased above 20 percentage in 2040. On moving further, in 1940 the Sweden was approximately 7 percentage and it was increased in 1960 with three percentage. However, it was slightly increased with 4 percentage in 1980 together with it was 20 % in 2000. At last, it was lonely plunge in 2020 but after 20 year the proportion of masses was significantly increased with 25 percentage.
From the
overall
perspective, it is crystal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the ratio of natives is 265 and above is highest in
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
Japan as compared to others. Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, in 1940 e the ratio of Japan was 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
as well
as it was
slightly
dropped in 1960.
Moreover
, it was
slowly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
in 2000 along with from 2020 to 2040 it was
sharply
Consider using a past participle here: "soared".
soar
more than 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
Furthermore
, the proportion
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
was less than 10 % in 1940 and after 20 year it was 10 %. It was
steadily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
by 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 1980.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, it was
slowly
dropped in 2020. After that, it was
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
above 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 2040. On moving
further
, in 1940 the Sweden was approximately 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
and it was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
in 1960 with three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
However
, it was
slightly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
with 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in 1980 together with it was 20 % in 2000. At last, it was lonely plunge in 2020
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 20 year the proportion of masses was
significantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
with 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
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IELTS academic The linear graph depicts the information about the ratio of the citizens aged 65 in three various Nations and over between 1940 and 2040

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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