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illustrates the percentage of unemployed people in Australia in 2012 divided into the two areas rural and urban

illustrates the percentage of unemployed people in Australia in 2012 divided into the two areas rural and urban k5lMN
The line graph illustrates the percentage of unemployed people in Australia in 2012 divided into the two areas rural and urban. Overall, the unemployment rate in both areas were fluctuated during the research period. As clearly seen from the chart, the percentage of unemployed people in rural areas decreased from approximately 6. 5% in the first quarter to 5% in the second quarter. In contrast, the unemployment rate in urban areas considerably increased. The figure skyrocketed from 2% to 4% during the same period. It is also notable that the gap between the percentages of unemployed people in rural areas and urban areas narrowed at the fourth quarter of 2012. In the third quarter of that year, the unemployment rate in rural area was nearlly 5. 4% and those in urban areas was 2%. However, the unemployment rate in rural areas continued to decline between the third quarter and fourth quarter. While the percentage of unemployed people in urban areas showed the opposite trend during the same period. So, there was only minimal gap between the two area's unemployment rate in the fourth quarter of 2012.
The line graph illustrates the
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percentage
of
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unemployed
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people
in Australia in 2012 divided into the two
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areas
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rural
and
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urban
.
Overall
, the
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unemployment
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rate
in both
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areas
were fluctuated
during the research period.

As
clearly
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seen
from the chart, the
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percentage
of
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unemployed
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people
in
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rural
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areas
decreased from approximately 6. 5% in the
first
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quarter
to 5% in the second
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quarter
.
In contrast
, the
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unemployment
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rate
in
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urban
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areas
considerably
increased. The figure skyrocketed from 2% to 4% during the same period.

It is
also
notable that the gap between the
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percentages
of
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unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
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rural
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areas
and
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urban
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areas
narrowed at the fourth
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quarter
of 2012. In the third
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quarter
of that year, the
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unemployment
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rate
in
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rural
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area
was
Possible spelling mistake found.
nearlly
5. 4% and those in
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urban
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areas
was 2%.
However
, the
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unemployment
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rate
in
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rural
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areas
continued to decline between the third
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quarter
and fourth
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quarter
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the
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percentage
of
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unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
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urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the opposite trend during the same period.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there was
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only
minimal gap between the two area's
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unemployment
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rate
in the fourth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quarter
of 2012.
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IELTS academic illustrates the percentage of unemployed people in Australia in 2012 divided into the two areas rural and urban

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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