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Life Cycle of a Fish Called Salmon

Life Cycle of a Fish Called Salmon NVjKN
The illustrations below give information about the life cycle of a fish called salmon by three different sizes in various types of rivers. Overall, there are three stages in the life cycle of a salmon from fry to adult salmon. First, it can be seen in the first picture that the life of a salmon begins from eggs, near tiny rocks around it. It will grow under the reeds in an upper river for around five to six months. When salmon reaches approximately four years old, it will live in a lower river. The river is a rapid flowing one, which is suitable for smolts. Smolts are relatively small in size, for about 12-15cm. Last, the third diagram shows a picture of the open sea where fully grown salmon lives, as their age is around five years old. Adult salmon are roughly 70-76cm wide. The cycle then continues with adult salmon going back to their original place, the upper river, to create more eggs.
The illustrations below give information about the life cycle of a fish called salmon by three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sizes in various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rivers
.
Overall
, there are three stages in the life cycle of a salmon from fry to adult salmon.

First
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the
first
picture that the life of a salmon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
from eggs, near tiny rocks around it. It will grow under the reeds in an upper
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river
for around five to six months. When salmon reaches approximately four years
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old
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
is a rapid flowing one, which is suitable for
Possible spelling mistake found.
smolts
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Smolts
are
relatively
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
small in size
, for about 12
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "-15 cm"
-15cm
.

Last, the third diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a picture of the open sea where
fully
grown salmon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, as their age is around five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Adult salmon are roughly 70
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "-76 cm"
-76cm
wide. The cycle then continues with adult salmon going back to their original place, the upper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
river
, to create more eggs.
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IELTS academic Life Cycle of a Fish Called Salmon

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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