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The line graphs show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.

The line graphs show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. kYerR
The bar graphs provide the data on the demand of steel in tonnes, while, another graph depict the number of worker employed in Britain in 2010 To embark with, The supply is more as compare to demand. In the month of January the supply was 4000 million tonnes while its demand is 50% only. In the month of march there was an inverse trend. To be specific, production reduced to 3800 million tonnes whereas demand raised by 1000 million tone. However the production remain steady upto the month of august while there is fluctuation in demand of steel. Moreover, the supply suddenly increase in the month of September and reach 4000 to 5000 and then dropped drastically to around 8000 million tonne till December but the demand for steel increase in the mid November. Furthermore, the number of worker employed were high in the month of January with 50 lakhs. this incline to 5800 thousand in the next month. However, in the month of march, almost 2800000 trainers were unemployed. this remains constant upto august. like similar to fall in supply of steel same in the case of emplyement number of workers also reduced to 1000. overall it can be observe that the supply of steel and the number of people working in steel industry show similar trend whereas the demand of steel is under control as enough production is done to satisfy the Uk requirement
The bar graphs provide the data on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
in tonnes, while, another graph depict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of worker employed in Britain in 2010

To embark with, The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
is more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compare to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of January the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
was 4000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
tonnes while its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
is 50%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of march there was an inverse trend. To be specific, production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 3800
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
tonnes whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
raised by 1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
tone.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the production remain steady
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of august while there is fluctuation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
suddenly
increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of September and reach 4000 to 5000 and then dropped
drastically
to around 8000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'tonne' seems to be countable, so consider using: "tonnes".
tonne
till December
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
increase in the mid November.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of worker employed were high in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of January with 50 lakhs.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
incline to 5800 thousand in the
next
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
.
However
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of march, almost 2800000 trainers
were unemployed
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
remains constant
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
august.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
like
similar to fall in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
same in the case of
Possible spelling mistake found.
emplyement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of workers
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to 1000.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
it can be
Consider using the past participle "observed"?
observe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
supply
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
similar trend whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
steel
is under control as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
production
is done
to satisfy the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uk
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
requirement
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IELTS academic The line graphs show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
235 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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