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The line graphs show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.

The line graphs show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010. PoaB
The given line graphs illustrates the numbers for production and demand for steel items and second graph describes information regarding employment from the steed manufacturing in the UK in 2010. Overall, Demand and supply raised in the first quarter of the year 2010 in the UK. Which. Whereas the demand fluctuated in second quarter and production was same. The production dropped in the year end but the actual demand was on peak. On the other hand number of workers in the industry kept reducing throughout the year. The Production started from 4000 million tonnes is all time high in the month of February and September. In the December month the production was at the lowest stage below 1000 million ton production of steed goods. The demand is below 3000 million tons all time in the year it reached 3000 in March and was lowest in the November. The only time when the demand and supply met is December when demand is up but production was at bottom. When we see the employment data it is all time high in January February close to 5500 thousand at the starting which went down in the year long period and is only 1000 thousand employees in December
The
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given
line graphs illustrates the numbers for
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production
and
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demand
for steel items and second graph
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describes
information regarding employment from the steed manufacturing in the UK in 2010.

Overall
,
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Demand
and supply raised in the
first
quarter of the
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year
2010 in the UK. Which. Whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
demand
fluctuated in second quarter and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
was same. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
dropped in the
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year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the actual
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demand
was on peak.
On the other hand
number of workers in the industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
reducing throughout the year.

The
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Production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 4000 million tonnes is all
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time
high in the month of February and September. In the December month the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
was at the lowest stage below 1000 million ton
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production
of steed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. The
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demand
is below 3000 million tons all
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time
in the
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year
it reached 3000 in March and was lowest in the November. The
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only
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time
when the
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demand
and supply met is December when
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demand
is up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
was at bottom.

When we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the employment data it is all
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time
high in January February close to 5500 thousand at the starting which went down in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
long period and is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1000 thousand employees in December
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IELTS academic The line graphs show the production and demand for steel in million tonnes and the number of workers employed in the steel industry in the UK in 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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