Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The line graphs illustrate changes in the number of British children with whooping cough over 70 years from 1940 to 2010, after the introduction of a vaccine for this disease in 1955.

The line graphs illustrate changes in the number of British children with whooping cough over 70 years from 1940 to 2010, after the introduction of a vaccine for this disease in 1955. BJaBa
The line graphs illustrate changes in the number of British children with whooping cough over 70 years from 1940 to 2010, after the introduction of a vaccine for this disease in 1955. Overall, the number of infected children was highest at the beginning of the period shown, but then fell sharply with the application of the vaccination, reaching a negligible figure in the last decade of the period given. Additionally, there were significant fluctuations throughout the period shown, except for the last decade. In 1940, there were over 50, 000 cases, which then rose dramatically to a high of 170, 000 children two years later. However, the figure declined to a low of 60, 000 cases in 1947, before rising again to nearly 160, 000 in 1950. 1955 saw a fall in cough cases to approximately 90, 000 due to the use of the vaccine on over four-fifths of children. Following this, by 1975, a mere 30% of children had been vaccinated, leading to a growth in the cough cases to 60, 000 in 1980 and 1985. From that point, despite a slight rise in 1987, the number of infected children fell to a negligible figure (Almost 1, 000) due to the vaccination of the vast majority of British children (94%).
The line graphs illustrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the number of British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with whooping cough over 70 years from 1940 to 2010, after the introduction of a vaccine for this disease in 1955.

Overall
, the number of infected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
was highest at the beginning of the period shown,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then fell
sharply
with the application of the vaccination, reaching a negligible figure in the last decade of the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
Additionally
, there were significant fluctuations throughout the period shown,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the last decade.

In 1940, there were over 50, 000 cases, which then rose
dramatically
to a high of 170, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
two years later.
However
, the figure declined to a low of 60, 000 cases in 1947,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
rising again to
nearly
160, 000 in 1950.

1955
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a fall in cough cases to approximately 90, 000 due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the vaccine on over four-fifths of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Following this, by 1975, a mere 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had
been vaccinated
, leading to a growth in the cough cases to 60, 000 in 1980 and 1985. From that point, despite a slight rise in 1987, the number of infected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fell to a negligible figure (Almost 1, 000) due to the vaccination of the vast majority of British
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
(94%).
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The line graphs illustrate changes in the number of British children with whooping cough over 70 years from 1940 to 2010, after the introduction of a vaccine for this disease in 1955.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
211 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • The line graphs illustrate changes in the number of British children with whooping cough over 70 years from 1940 to 2010, after the introduction of a vaccine for this disease in 1955.