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The line graph shows the van for electricity and the pie chart shows how electricity is used is an average British in home

The line graph shows the van for electricity and the pie chart shows how electricity is used is an average British in home bQ7DQ
The given info graphic shows as line graph and pie chart illustrate the demand for electricity in England during typical days in two different seasons and how electricity is used in an average British home. looking into details, the demand for electricity was typically daily basis in winter commencing with around 33, 000 which was noticed at 40, 000 within three hours. after six hours it was appeared at beginning level. Then it will be reach their peak point about 49, 000 in a whole day. In summer season the demand for electricity was remained constant at 20, 000 in between 15 to 24 hours. moving to the rest of the data, the maximum electricity energy was utilised for meeting rooms and water which was approximately 52. 5%. Whereas Oven, kettles, Washing machine was hold 17. 5%. However, lightning, TV, radio and vacuum cleaners, food mixes, electric tools had followed likewise same pattern in which these activities consumed merely 15. 0%. overall, after all the observations the majority of electricity were used in winter for heating rooms and water while, reversed was followed in summer
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
info graphic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
as line graph and pie chart illustrate the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in England during typical days in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
seasons and how
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electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in an average British home.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
looking
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
was
typically
daily basis in winter commencing with around 33, 000 which
was noticed
at 40, 000 within three hours.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
six hours it
was appeared
at beginning level. Then it will be reach their peak point about 49, 000 in a whole day. In summer season the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
was remained
constant at 20, 000 in
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 15 and 24".
between 15 to 24
hours.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moving
to the rest of the data, the maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
energy was
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
for meeting rooms and water which was approximately 52. 5%. Whereas Oven, kettles, Washing machine was hold 17. 5%.
However
, lightning, TV, radio and vacuum cleaners, food mixes, electric tools had followed
likewise
same pattern in which these activities consumed
merely
15. 0%.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
,
after all
the observations the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in winter for heating rooms and water while, reversed
was followed
in summer

IELTS academic The line graph shows the van for electricity and the pie chart shows how electricity is used is an average British in home

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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