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The line graph shows the transport young people in three different countries .

The line graph shows the transport young people in three different countries. 9B5P7
The bar chart illustrates the information about three types of transport that among young people from three country including: the USA, Great Britain, Germany and France. The general oval real is the most popular of transport in a tree country is car, as well as bicycle is unpopular transport. It is appearing that the car was highest throughout a period followed by bicycle and motorcycle, is increased dramatically to 60% in Great Britain, after that is just under to 40% in Germany, in the USA and France is over to 60% and 75% respectively. Additionally, the lowest transport was a motorcycle is gradually to 30% in the USA, in France there was increase approximately 10%, is rose to 15% and 10% in Great Britain and Germany respectively. However there was significant in order transport the percentage of bicycle was increased dramatically to 45% in Germany, is just under to 30% in Great Britain, after that it's fall to Germany around 15% and France 10% throughout of period.
The bar chart illustrates the information about three types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
that among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from three country including: the USA,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain, Germany and France. The general oval real is the most popular of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
in a tree country is car,
as well
as bicycle is unpopular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
. It
The verb 'appearing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is appearing
that the car was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
throughout a period followed by bicycle and motorcycle,
is increased
dramatically
to 60% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain, after
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under to 40% in Germany, in the USA and France is over to 60% and 75%
respectively
.
Additionally
, the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
was a motorcycle is
gradually
to 30% in the USA, in France there was increase approximately 10%, is rose to 15% and 10% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain and Germany
respectively
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there was significant in order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transport
the percentage of bicycle
was increased
dramatically
to 45% in Germany, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under to 30% in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Great
Britain, after that it's fall to Germany around 15% and France 10% throughout of period.
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IELTS academic The line graph shows the transport young people in three different countries.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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