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The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home

The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home 76G5
Many factors are taken into consideration while purchasing a house. The line graph ilĺustrates public percentage of different age groups when rating different factors that are considered while purchasing a new home. The vertical axis of the graph represents the percentage and the horizontal axis represents 4 age groups i. e 25 to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64. The factors that are taken into consideration are schools, crime rate, shopping, park and the availability of public transport. The major factor considered by all age groups was the crime rate and there was a steady increase from 75 percent to near about 85 percent as the age group increased from 25 to 64 The second most important factor was school location it was more than 50 percent for age group 25 to 34 and it declines to less than 25 percent as it proceeds to age group 55 to 64. Finally other factors like parks and public transports showed a slightly increased trend from nearly 10 percent as it progressed towards age group 55 to 64 and shopping facilities consideration was more than 25 percent for age group 55 to 64
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
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factors
are taken
into consideration while purchasing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. The line graph
Possible spelling mistake found.
ilĺustrates
public percentage of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
when rating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
are considered
while purchasing a new home. The vertical axis of the graph represents the percentage and the horizontal axis represents 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
i. e 25 to 34, 35 to 44, 45 to 54 and 55 to 64.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
that
are taken
into consideration are schools, crime rate, shopping, park and the availability of public transport.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
considered by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
was the crime rate and there was a steady increase from 75
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
to near about 85
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
increased from 25 to 64

The second most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
was school location it was more than 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
25 to 34 and it declines to less than 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
as it proceeds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
55 to 64.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like parks and public transports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a
slightly
increased trend from
nearly
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
as it progressed towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
55 to 64 and shopping facilities consideration was more than 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
55 to 64
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IELTS academic The line graph shows the percentage of people of different age groups and how they rate a set of factors in terms of importance when buying a new home

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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