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The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. NA6y
The two graphs show the admissions of foregin and local students in australian universities. These graphs record the admissions over a ten year period. The first graph shows the admissions of overseas students over a ten year period. The two lines blue and red indicate students commencing and total students respectively. As observed from the graph there is a drastic increase in the number of students commencing gradually over the period of ten years. The total students increase gradually and remain constant over the past two years. The second graph depicts the admissions of local students in australian universities. The total number of students represented by red line gradually increase over a span of ten years and remain constant for the past three years, whereas the number of students commencing over the past ten years is fluctuating in nature. I conclude by saying that both overseas and local students total admissions gradually increase in the past ten years gradually and remain constant. The students commensing donot have a linear change.
The two
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graphs
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show
the
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admissions
of
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foregin
and local
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students
in
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australian
universities. These
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graphs
record the
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admissions
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over
a ten
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year
period.

The
first
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graph
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shows
the
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admissions
of overseas
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students
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over
a ten
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year
period. The two lines blue and red indicate
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students
commencing and
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total
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students
respectively
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
observed from the
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graph
there is a drastic
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increase
in the number of
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students
commencing
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gradually
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over
the period of ten years. The
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total
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students
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increase
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gradually
and remain constant
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over
the
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past
two years.

The second
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graph
depicts the
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admissions
of local
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students
in
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australian
universities.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
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total
number of
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students
represented by red line
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gradually
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increase
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over
a span of ten years and remain constant for the
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past
three years, whereas the number of
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students
commencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
ten years is fluctuating in nature.

I conclude by saying that both overseas and local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admissions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gradually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
ten years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gradually
and remain constant. The
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students
Possible spelling mistake found.
commensing
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
have a linear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
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IELTS academic The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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