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The line graph shows the oil use of major consumers between 2009 and 2030.

The line graph indicates a survey on the using of oil by consumers in four regions over the period of 21 years. It is noticeable that the US was by far the most important means of oil consuming over the period shown while, the lowest one belonged to Middle East. In 2009, the US was the main region of using oil in the world, consuming approximately 10 million of barrels per day hence, the second place appertained to Western Europe and japan and utilized close to 4 million of barrels per day and also, China and Middle East used as same as each, almost 2 million of barrels per day. Just 6 years later, China overtook Western Europe and japan as the second area of consuming. After year of 2015, the consuming oil in the US decreased dramatically and also, they predicted that it will be near to 4 million barrels per day. By contrast, the figure for Western Europe and japan will fall slightly to mere 2 million of barrels per day in 2030. China and Middle East, those increased until the year of 2015 and after that, both of them levelled off and predicted that will remain stable for the rest of the period.
The line graph indicates a survey on the using of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
by consumers in four regions over the period of 21 years. It is noticeable that the US was by far the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
consuming over the period shown while, the lowest one belonged
A determiner is probably missing here: “to the Middle East”.
to Middle East
.

In 2009, the US was the main region of using
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oil
in the world, consuming approximately 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
barrels
per day
hence
, the second place appertained to Western Europe and
This noun needs to be capitalized if you mean the country “Japan”.
japan
and utilized close to 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
barrels
per day and
also
, China and Middle East
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as same as each, almost 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
barrels
per day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
6 years later, China overtook Western Europe and
This noun needs to be capitalized if you mean the country “Japan”.
japan
as the second area of consuming.

After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2015, the consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
oil
in the US decreased
dramatically
and
also
, they predicted that it will be near to 4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
barrels
per day. By contrast, the figure for Western Europe and
This noun needs to be capitalized if you mean the country “Japan”.
japan
will fall
slightly
to mere 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
barrels
per day in 2030. China and Middle East, those increased until the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of 2015 and after that, both of them levelled off and predicted that will remain stable for the rest of the period.
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IELTS academic The line graph shows the oil use of major consumers between 2009 and 2030.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
206 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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