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the line graph shows how elder people spent their free time in Europe between 1980 and 2010.

the line graph shows how elder people spent their free time in Europe between 1980 and 2010. Grbko
The line graph gives information about kinds of free time activities that elderly people in Europe do from 1980s to 2010s. Overall, the rate of hiking increased significantly. On the other hand, playing sport remained the most stable compared to others. In the period between 1980s and 1990s, all activities increased considerably, only theatre dropped sharply, from 50% in 1980s to 30% in 1990s. Among five activities, playing sport is the most common one with the rate of more 60%. Mean while, surfing the Internet is the lowest with only around under 10% of the graph. Over the 20-year period, the rate of all five activities changed dramatically. In 2010s, the rate of hiking reached the highest point, at 80% and became the most popular activity. At the same time, surfing the Internet also had an impressive increasing, from only 10% in 1990s to 50% in 2010s. Additionally, the fluctuation of reading can be noticed when it reached the lowest point, at 20% in 2000s but grew immediately in the next 10 years with the rate of 60%. Even though the percentage of playing sport decreased in 2010s but not remarkable and theatre was thought to be the most stable among five activities.
The line graph gives information about kinds of free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Europe do from 1980s to 2010s.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of hiking increased
significantly
.
On the other hand
, playing sport remained the most stable compared to others.

In the period between 1980s and 1990s, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
increased
considerably
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
dropped
sharply
, from 50%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1980s".
in 1980s
to 30%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1990s".
in 1990s
. Among five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, playing sport is the most common one with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of more 60%.
Did you mean "meanwhile"?
Mean while
, surfing the Internet is the lowest with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around under 10% of the graph.

Over the 20-year period, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of all five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
.
The article is probably missing here: "In the 2010s".
In 2010s
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of hiking reached the highest point, at 80% and became the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. At the same time, surfing the Internet
also
had an impressive increasing, from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1990s".
in 1990s
to 50%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 2010s".
in 2010s
.
Additionally
, the fluctuation of reading can
be noticed
when it reached the lowest point, at 20%
The article is probably missing here: "in the 2000s".
in 2000s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
grew immediately in the
next
10 years with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of 60%.
Even though
the percentage of playing sport decreased
The article is probably missing here: "in the 2010s".
in 2010s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not remarkable and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be the most stable among five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
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IELTS academic the line graph shows how elder people spent their free time in Europe between 1980 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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