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The line graph show the percentage of total music sale by three method in Australia country e during the time period 2011 to 2018.

The line graph show the percentage of total music sale by three method in Australia country e during the time period 2011 to 2018. awKWX
To start with the given data, in 2011 ceiling rate of CD purchased and download Verna near 60% and 40%. After that CD purchased percent was sharply decrees throughout the time period and reaching at around 28% in the 2018. However, dealing ratio of download was surge in 2014 and reached above then 40%. But, during 2014 to 2018 it had experienced move downward and approach at 30% in the last year. Moving moving towards the rest of description, in early 2011, the percentage of total music sale by stream was less than one tenth. While, vending ratio of stream matter was gradually increased during 2012 to 2018 and hit at approximately 40% in the last year. Overall, it can observe that the proportion of total music Sher by download and CD purchased was show show a download Trend. While, percentage of stream method show and upward trend in given time period.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
data, in 2011 ceiling rate of CD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
download
Verna near 60% and 40%. After that CD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
percent was
sharply
decrees throughout the time period and reaching at around 28% in the 2018.
However
, dealing ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
download
was surge in 2014 and reached above then 40%.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, during 2014 to 2018 it had experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
downward and approach at 30% in the last year.
Possible typo: you repeated a word
Moving moving
towards the rest of description, in early 2011, the percentage of total music sale by stream was less than one tenth. While, vending ratio of stream matter was
gradually
increased during 2012 to 2018 and hit at approximately 40% in the last year.
Overall
, it can observe that the proportion of total music
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sher
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
download
and CD
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
download
Trend. While, percentage of stream method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and upward trend in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period.
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IELTS academic The line graph show the percentage of total music sale by three method in Australia country e during the time period 2011 to 2018.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
152 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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