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the line graph show the number of books read by boys and girls in a school

the line graph show the number of books read by boys and girls in a school l750b
This line graph illustrates how many library books read by male and female students in Starmouth School over a period of 3 years starting from 2009. This is clear that the number of books read in library by boys and girls in the school increased noticeably during the period. Also, the figure for books read by girls was more significantly than its counterparts. Initially, the number of books that read by schoolboys started at nearly 50 books in 2009. But in the following year, this figure increased considerably by 30 books, about 80. Then this figure gradually reached a peak at 100 books in the year 2011, which was followed by a substantial drop to 80 books at the and of the period. Similarly, the number of books that read by schoolgirls started at nearly 30 books in the year 2009. And this figure gradually climbed to 40 books in 2010. In the next year after that, it has a significantly upward trend to 100 books, and reached to 140 books in the last year.
This line graph illustrates how
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many
library
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books
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read
by male and female students in
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Starmouth
School over a period of 3 years starting from 2009.

This is
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clear
that the number of
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books
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
in library by boys and girls in the school increased
noticeably
during the period.
Also
, the
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figure
for
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books
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read
by girls was more
significantly
than its counterparts.

Initially
, the number of
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books
that
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read
by schoolboys
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started
at
nearly
50
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books
in 2009.
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But
in the following
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year
, this
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figure
increased
considerably
by 30
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books
, about 80. Then this
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figure
gradually
reached a peak at 100
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books
in the
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year
2011, which
was followed
by a substantial drop to 80
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books
at the
Did you mean "end"?
and
of the period.

Similarly
, the number of
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books
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
read
by schoolgirls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at
nearly
30
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books
in the
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year
2009. And this
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figure
gradually
climbed to 40
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books
in 2010. In the
next
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year
after that, it has a
significantly
upward trend to 100
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books
, and reached to 140
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
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IELTS academic the line graph show the number of books read by boys and girls in a school

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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