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The line graph reveals the data of the gold sales in Dubai in the year 2002.

The line graph reveals the data of the gold sales in Dubai in the year 2002. 6N0mW
The line graph reveals the data of the gold sales in Dubai in the year 2002. The unit is millions of Dirhams. Overall, the gold sold in Dubai was fluctuating in the entire span of 12 months. By the end of December, it was reduced. In the month of January, 200 million Dirhams of gold sales took place. There was a slight increase in the month of February. It was somewhere around 230 million Dirhams gold. Furthermore, in the month of March, the sales of gold increased to the highest in the entire period. It reached 350 million Dirhams. After that, for the next three consecutive months, it declined and by the month of July it was below 150 million. Likewise, in the month of August, it peaked at just above 200 million. There was a fall in the sales of gold in September. Again, from October to December, there was a marginal change in gold sales. As a result, it was at its peak in the beginning, but as the months passed, it fluctuated, and by the end of the period, it had dropped to less than 200 million sales.
The line graph reveals the data of the gold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in Dubai in the year 2002. The unit is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
of
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Dirhams
.

Overall
, the gold sold in Dubai was fluctuating in the entire span of 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
. By the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of December, it was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In the
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month
of
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "January 200".
January, 200
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
of gold
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sales
took place. There was a slight increase in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of February. It was somewhere around 230
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
gold.
Furthermore
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of March, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of gold increased to the highest in the entire period. It reached 350
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million
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dirhams
. After that, for the
next
three consecutive
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months
, it declined and by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of July it was below 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
Likewise
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
month
of August, it peaked at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
. There was a fall in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of gold in September. Again, from October to December, there was a marginal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in gold sales.

As a result
, it was at its peak in the beginning,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
months
passed, it fluctuated, and by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period, it had dropped to less than 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
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IELTS academic The line graph reveals the data of the gold sales in Dubai in the year 2002.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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