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The line graph illustrates the information about the percentage of citizen’s whose aged more than 65 in 1942 to 2020 and also prediction for 2040 in three different countries namely Japan, Sweden and USA.

The line graph illustrates the information about the percentage of citizen’s whose aged more than 65 in 1942 to 2020 and also prediction for 2040 in three different countries namely Japan, Sweden and USA. m15Vn
The line graph illustrates the information about the percentage of citizen’s whose aged more than 65 in 1942 to 2020 and also prediction for 2040 in three different countries namely Japan, Sweden and USA. Firstly, in 1940 Japan had only 5% of people whose age was 65 and more but after 20 years the proportion was decreased to nearly 3% and stayed steady in 1980. Additionally, the gradual increment can be seen till 2020 while the population of aged people will decline suddenly with some fluctuation till 2040 and it will reach to more than 25%. Secondly, the percentage for older people was approximately same for Sweden and USA and the fluctuation was also same until 1980. Furthermore, the ratio was nearly 7% for Sweden and approximately 10% for USA while, the proportion for both country had been reached to approximately 15% in 1980. In contrast, the proportion was risen for Sweden and decline for us in 2020. Moreover, it is predicted that the population will nearly same which is approximately 25% in 2040. Overall, the lifespan of people in Japan was very less but in future it will increase. However, the contrast situation can be seen for Sweden and USA in past while, it will predicted that the ratio will decrease in 2040 compared to Japan.
The line graph illustrates the information about the percentage of citizen’s whose aged more than 65 in 1942 to 2020 and
also
prediction for 2040 in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries
namely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
, Sweden and USA.

Firstly
, in 1940
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whose age was 65 and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 20 years the proportion
was decreased
to
nearly
3% and stayed steady in 1980.
Additionally
, the gradual increment can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
till 2020 while the population of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will decline
suddenly
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "fluctuations"?
fluctuation
till 2040 and it will reach to more than 25%.

Secondly
, the percentage for older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approximately
same for Sweden and USA and the fluctuation was
also
same until 1980.
Furthermore
, the ratio was
nearly
7% for Sweden and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approximately
10%
A determiner is probably missing here: "for the USA".
for USA
while, the proportion for both country had
been reached
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approximately
15% in 1980.
In contrast
, the proportion
was risen
for Sweden and decline for us in 2020.
Moreover
, it
is predicted
that the population will
nearly
same which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approximately
25% in 2040.

Overall
, the lifespan of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in future it will increase.
However
, the contrast situation can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
for Sweden and USA in past while, it will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "predict"
predicted
that the ratio will decrease in 2040 compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the information about the percentage of citizen’s whose aged more than 65 in 1942 to 2020 and also prediction for 2040 in three different countries namely Japan, Sweden and USA.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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