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The line graph illustrates the changes in the birth rates of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.

The line graph illustrates the changes in the birth rates of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000. 8dP3V
The line graph illustrates the changes in the birth rates of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000. Overall, the birth rates in both China and the USA declined slightly over the whole period. Additionally, the figures for the USA were higher than that of China. At the beginning, USA’s birth rates stood at slightly over 11, moderately fluctuating at around 13 over the first 20 years. In 1945, there was a dramatic plunge to a low of approximately 5 in the birth rates of the USA before rising to their highest point at precisely 15 in 1950. Since then, those figures in the USA witnessed a steady drop by around 10 to end at slightly above 5. The figures for China followed a similar pattern. It fluctuated significantly at 10, a little less than the USA, before rapidly declining and remaining at 5 between 1940 and 1945. In the next 5 years, China’s birth rates surged to 20, which was by far the highest figure over the whole period, after which it fell sharply and finished at more or less 2.
The line graph illustrates the
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changes
in the
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birth
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rates
of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.

Overall
, the
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birth
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rates
in both China and the USA declined
slightly
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over
the whole period.
Additionally
, the
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figures
for the USA were higher than that of China.

At the beginning, USA’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
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rates
stood at
slightly
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over
11,
moderately
fluctuating at around 13
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over
the
first
20 years. In 1945, there was a dramatic plunge to a low of approximately 5 in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of the USA
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before
rising to their highest point at
precisely
15 in 1950. Since then, those
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figures
in the USA witnessed a steady drop by around 10 to
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end
at
slightly
above 5.

The
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figures
for China followed a similar pattern. It fluctuated
significantly
at 10, a
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little
less than the USA,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
rapidly
declining and remaining at 5 between 1940 and 1945. In the
next
5 years, China’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
surged to 20, which was by far the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the whole period, after which it fell
sharply
and finished at more or less 2.

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the changes in the birth rates of China and the USA from 1920 to 2000.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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