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The line graph illustrates the amount of money earnt each year by 3 various bakeries

The line graph illustrates the amount of money earnt each year by 3 various bakeries R07mM
The line graph illustrates the amount of money earnt each year by 3 various bakeries between 2000 to 2010. Over the span of 10 years, it can be seen that Bernie’s Buns and Robbie’s Bakery increased their yearly income. Lovely Loaves was different from the other trends because it decreased over the period, going from most popular bakery in 2000 to least popular by 2010. Overall, Bernie’s Buns and Robbie’s Bakery had similar trends because they both inclined over the period. Robbie’s Bakery went from under 60, 000 dollars to just over 100, 000 dollars by 2010, and Bernie’s Buns rose from 20, 000 to over 60, 000 dollars during the same time. Furthermore, their income grew between 2005 and 2007, and then skyrocketed from 2007 to 2008. However, Bernie’s Buns has a slightly different trend because it also skyrocketed in the year 2002 - this did not happen for Robbie’s Bakery, which plateaued at under 60, 000 dollars between 2000 and 2005. Lovely Loaves differed from the other trends because it had the highest income in 2000 with just over 80, 000 dollars but ended with the lowest at exactly 40, 000 dollars by 2010. It plummeted by over 20, 000 dollars in 2004. It also shrank significantly again in 2007, which was the same the year that the other two trends skyrocketed. In conclusion, Robbie’s Bakery ended the period with the highest income, while Lovely Loaves had the lowest. Lovely Loaves was the most interesting trend overall because its income fell from
The line graph illustrates the amount of money
Possible spelling mistake found.
earnt each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by 3 various bakeries
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2000 and 2010".
between 2000 to 2010
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Over
the span of 10 years, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that Bernie’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Buns
and Robbie’s Bakery increased their yearly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lovely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Loaves
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period, going from most popular bakery in 2000 to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
popular by 2010.

Overall
, Bernie’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Buns
and Robbie’s Bakery had similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they both inclined
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over
the period. Robbie’s Bakery went from under 60, 000
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dollars
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
100, 000
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dollars
by 2010, and Bernie’s
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Buns
rose from 20, 000 to
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over
60, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
during the same time.

Furthermore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
grew between 2005 and 2007, and then skyrocketed from 2007 to 2008.
However
, Bernie’s
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Buns
has a
slightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
also
skyrocketed in the
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year
2002
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
this did not happen for Robbie’s Bakery, which plateaued at under 60, 000
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dollars
between 2000 and
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2005. Lovely
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Loaves
differed from the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it had the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
in 2000 with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
80, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ended with the lowest at exactly 40, 000
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dollars
by 2010. It plummeted by
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over
20, 000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dollars
in 2004. It
also
shrank
significantly
again in 2007, which was the same the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
that the other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
skyrocketed.

In conclusion
, Robbie’s Bakery ended the period with the highest
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income
, while
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Lovely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Loaves
had

the lowest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lovely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Loaves
was the most interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
fell
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
from
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the amount of money earnt each year by 3 various bakeries

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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