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The line graph illustrates how many hours during the day children watched television from 1950 to 2010 and its variations during the period given.

The line graph illustrates how many hours during the day children watched television from 1950 to 2010 and its variations during the period given. gdg3
The line graph illustrates how many hours during the day children watched television from 1950 to 2010 and its variations during the period given. It is clear from the graph that in the decade of fifties to sixties children devoted at around 1 hour to watch television, however, as time passed, the trend was becoming more frequent between the children, thanks to the launch of new tv programs and the begining of the new era of technology at that time. A closer examination of the data, reveals a sharp increase between the seventies to eighties, where the rate reached a peak of approximately 4 hours per day, although this popular leisure activity remained steady, a slight decline, took place from 1980 to 1990. Finally, the significant rise in the trend of watching tv started to decrease a little bit, with the arrival of the new century until 2010. Raises questions about if whatching television still being a popular leisure pursuit between children nowadays.
The line graph illustrates how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours during the day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
television from 1950 to 2010 and its variations during the period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that in the decade of fifties to sixties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
devoted at around 1 hour to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television,
however
, as time passed, the trend was becoming more frequent between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, thanks to the launch of new
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
programs and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
begining
of the new era of technology at that time.

A closer examination of the data, reveals a sharp increase between the seventies to eighties, where the rate reached a peak of approximately 4 hours per day, although this popular leisure activity remained steady, a slight decline, took place from 1980 to 1990.

Finally
, the significant rise in the trend of watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decrease a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
, with the arrival of the new century until 2010.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "Raise questions" or "Raises question".
Raises questions
about if
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatching
television
still
being a popular leisure pursuit between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays.
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IELTS academic The line graph illustrates how many hours during the day children watched television from 1950 to 2010 and its variations during the period given.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
163 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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