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The line graph illustrates European population consumed fish and other kinds of meat production for each person in a week during 1974 and 2004.

The line graph illustrates European population consumed fish and other kinds of meat production for each person in a week during 1974 and 2004. lWWnX
Overall, it can be obviously seen that there was a dramatic increase only in Chicken consumption, whereas the other three categories saw a decline over the period shown. Turning into details, the proportion of Beef experienced a remarkable oscillation with about 200 Grams before decreasing to 110 grams in 2004. Similarly, the following category made up 150 grams in 1079 and dropped to the half of it by 2004. Furthermore, Fish consumption accounted for the lowest rate and remained steady at approximately 50 grams per person at all period. However, consumed chicken used to be lower than that of beef and lamb in 1979, the demand for chicken increased sharply an all time high of 250 grams in 2004.
Overall
, it can be
obviously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there was a dramatic increase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in Chicken consumption, whereas the other three categories
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a decline over the period shown.

Turning into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the proportion of Beef experienced a remarkable oscillation with about 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Grams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
decreasing to 110
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2004.
Similarly
, the following category made up 150
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 1079 and dropped to the half of it by 2004.
Furthermore
, Fish consumption accounted for the lowest rate and remained steady at approximately 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
per person at all period.
However
, consumed chicken
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be lower than that of beef and lamb in 1979, the demand for chicken increased
sharply
an
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
high of 250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grams
in 2004.

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates European population consumed fish and other kinds of meat production for each person in a week during 1974 and 2004.

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
119 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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