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the line graph depicts the contrast of men and women in terms of smoking per 1000 inhabitants in Someland.

the line graph depicts the contrast of men and women in terms of smoking per 1000 inhabitants in Someland. y7aDV
"In the years 1960-2000, the line graph depicts the contrast of men and women in terms of smoking per 1000 inhabitants in Someland. As overall, it is clear that the number of men who smoke has decreased dramatically, while the number of women who smoke has increased slightly during that time. Men, on the other hand, have always had a greater smoking rate than women. Initially, we can see that the male smoking rate in Someland peaked in 1960, at 600, 6 times as much as that of women smoking. However, it's encouraging to observe that it's been steadily dropping since 2000, eventually settling at approximately 250. In 1960, the first low for female smokers was little around 100. However, by 1975, it had risen to over 300 persons, and it was also the year that the number of female smokers reached its peak between 1960 and 2000. By the year 2000, however, the number of female smokers had finally dropped to only 200 people. "
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
In the years 1960-2000, the line graph depicts the contrast of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
per 1000 inhabitants in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
.

As
overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who smoke has decreased
dramatically
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women who smoke has increased
slightly
during that time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
,
on the other hand
, have always had a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
rate than women.

Initially
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
rate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
peaked in 1960, at 600, 6 times as much as that of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
However
, it's encouraging to observe that it's been
steadily
dropping since 2000,
eventually
settling at approximately 250.

In 1960, the
first
low for female smokers was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
around 100.
However
, by 1975, it had risen to over 300 persons, and it was
also
the year that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female smokers reached its peak between 1960 and 2000. By the year 2000,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of female smokers had
finally
dropped to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
200
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
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IELTS academic the line graph depicts the contrast of men and women in terms of smoking per 1000 inhabitants in Someland.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
165 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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