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The line graph below shows population projections (millions) for German citizens over 65 from 2020 to 2050.

The line graph below shows population projections (millions) for German citizens over 65 from 2020 to 2050. VwN7Q
The line graph illustrates the population projection in millions for German citizens in three different age group over 65 from 2020 to 2050. Overall, over 65 age people are in huge number as compared to other age group, on the contrary, over 80 age humans are quite low, nevertheless, it will be increase plenty of till 2035. Although, age between 65 to 79 was increased and then again it will plunge decrease till 2050. To commence with, the age group between 65 to 79 was around 13 millions in 2020, and then it will be quite increase till 2035 and touch up to 16 millions. However, it will be drastic decrease in 2050 as per projection. While, over 80 age people was 6 millions in 2020, and then it will be continuously mushrooming and will touch up to 10 millions in 2050. On the other hand, over 65 age masses was around 17 millions in 2020, and then it will be dramatically escalating and touch at the peak around 24 millions in 2035. Afterward, it will be seldom decrease up to 23 millions, and then it will be remain stable till 2050, as per projection.
The line graph illustrates the population projection in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
for German citizens in three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
65 from 2020 to 2050.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in huge number as compared to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group,
on the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
humans are quite low,
nevertheless
, it will be increase
Possible agreement error. The noun till seems to be countable; consider using: "plenty of tills".
plenty of till
2035. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 65 and 79".
between 65 to 79
was increased
and then again it will plunge decrease till 2050.

To commence with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 65 and 79".
between 65 to 79
was around 13
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2020, and then it will be quite
Consider using a past participle here: "increased".
increase
till 2035 and touch up to 16
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
.
However
, it will be drastic decrease in 2050 as per projection. While,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
80
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
was 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2020, and then it will be
continuously
mushrooming and will touch up to 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2050.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
masses was around 17
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millions
in 2020, and then it will be
dramatically
escalating and touch at the peak around 24
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
in 2035. Afterward, it will be seldom decrease up to 23
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
millions
, and then it will be
Consider using the past participle "remained"?
remain
stable till 2050, as per projection.
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IELTS academic The line graph below shows population projections (millions) for German citizens over 65 from 2020 to 2050.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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