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The line graph below show the proportion of club members from 1995 to 2015

The line graph below show the proportion of club members from 1995 to 2015 0wNGQ
The presented line graph illustrates the proportion of club members who participated in 3 different sport namely, swimming, team sports and gym activities between 1995 and 2015. Overall, there was an extreme decrease in percentage of club members who joined swimming while the proportion of members who participated in gym activities grew slightly until 2010. Firstly, it is clearly seen that great majority of members was willing to swim, thus the number of swimming club members stood at %50 in 1995. Furthermore, the percentage of swimming members dropped by %35 and peaked at its bottom. Secondly, although the number of team sport's and gym activite's members plateaued at above %30 and %2, respectively. For the next 15 years saw a remarkable growth in the number of team sport's and gym activite's members. Moreover, the proportion of members who join sports and gym activities having reached to %40 and %25 accordingly, they saw their apex in 2010. For the following 5 years, there was a small drop in percentage of both type of sport at the end of 2015.
The presented line graph illustrates the proportion of club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated in 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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sport
namely
, swimming, team
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sports
and
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gym
activities between 1995 and 2015.

Overall
, there was an extreme decrease in percentage of club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
swimming while the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participated in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
activities grew
slightly
until 2010.

Firstly
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that great majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
was willing to swim,
thus
the number of swimming club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
stood at %50 in 1995.
Furthermore
, the percentage of swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
dropped by %35 and peaked at its bottom.

Secondly
, although the number of team sport's and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
Possible spelling mistake found.
activite
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
plateaued at above %30 and %2,
respectively
. For the
next
15 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a remarkable growth in the number of team sport's and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
Possible spelling mistake found.
activite
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Moreover
, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
activities having reached to %40 and %25
accordingly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
their apex in 2010. For the following 5 years, there was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
drop in percentage of both type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 2015.
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IELTS academic The line graph below show the proportion of club members from 1995 to 2015

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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