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describe and pie charts and bar graph

describe and pie charts and bar graph AJK5N
The first pie chart illustrates how water is distributed in two categories, whereas the second pie chart shows the three different distributions of fresh water. Water usage by three countries in different areas is depicted by the bar graph. Overall, majority of the world’s water is made from salt and only a small proportion is fresh. The main area where fresh water is found in is ice and glaciers. Egypt and Saudi Arabia use most of their water for agriculture meanwhile, Canada uses it for industries mainly. Salt water comprises of about 97% of water in the world, in contrast to fresh water which makes up only 3%. Although, fresh water is such a small proportion, it is vastly dispersed amongst three regions namely ice and glaciers, ground water and surface water, each having 79%, 20% and 1% of fresh water respectively. Agriculture, domestic and industry are three key areas where water is being utilized by three countries. Egypt and Saudi Arabia consumes 80% and around 75% respectively for agriculture. Both these countries uses less than 20% for domestic and industry. However, Canada consumes 80% of its water for industry and the rest two categories use approximately 10%.
The
first
pie chart illustrates how
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water
is distributed
in two categories, whereas the second pie chart
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shows
the three
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different
distributions of
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fresh
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water
.
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Water
usage by three countries in
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different
areas
is depicted
by the bar graph.

Overall
,
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majority of
the world’s
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water
is made
from salt and
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only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportion is
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fresh
. The main area where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
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water
is found
in is ice and glaciers. Egypt and Saudi Arabia
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use
most of their
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water
for agriculture meanwhile, Canada
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uses
it for
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industries
mainly
.

Salt
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water
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
about 97% of
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water
in the world,
in contrast
to
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fresh
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water
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3%. Although,
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fresh
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water
is such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
proportion, it is
vastly
dispersed amongst three regions
namely
ice and glaciers, ground
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water
and surface
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water
, each having 79%, 20% and 1% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
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water
respectively
.

Agriculture, domestic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
are three key areas where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is
being utilized
by three countries. Egypt and Saudi Arabia consumes 80% and around 75%
respectively
for agriculture. Both these countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
less than 20% for domestic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
However
, Canada consumes 80% of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
and the rest two categories
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
use
approximately 10%.
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IELTS academic describe and pie charts and bar graph

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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