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The line graph below illustrates the difference in rates of urbanization in Korea and Indonesia.

The line graph below illustrates the difference in rates of urbanization in Korea and Indonesia. 5ajgQ
The line graph below illustrates the difference in rates of urbanization in Korea and Indonesia. Overall, it is manifest that urbanisation proportion in all of two nations is very high. But over the period, the growth rate has increased and decreased erratically. Looking at the graph in more detail, between 2015 and 2017, the proportion of urbanization South Korea was about 50%, which then increased slightly and reached approximately 80%. Meanwhile, there was a fluctuation in the rate of urbanization in Indonesia. From 2015 to 2016, the urbanization rate was initially at more than 10% but then increased sharply and reached more than 60%. However, this percentage suddenly dropped to 60%. Throughout the next three year, Indonesia’s urbanisation rate rises sharply, peaking at over 80% in 2020. In contrast, the urbanization rate in Korea has a slow-down growth over time from 2017 to 2019. Then, the rate dropped sharply to just over 40% in 2020. In conclusion, it is clear that both countries experienced a growth in their urbanisation rate, but in South Korea it almost dropped by the end of the period.
The line graph below illustrates the difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of urbanization in Korea and Indonesia.

Overall
, it is manifest that
Do not mix variants of the same word ('urbanisation' and 'urbanization') within a single text.
urbanisation
proportion in all of two nations is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the period, the growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
has increased and decreased
erratically
.

Looking at the graph in more detail, between 2015 and 2017, the proportion of urbanization South Korea was about 50%, which then increased
slightly
and reached approximately 80%. Meanwhile, there was a fluctuation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of urbanization in Indonesia. From 2015 to 2016, the urbanization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was
initially
at more than 10%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then increased
sharply
and reached more than 60%.
However
, this percentage
suddenly
dropped to 60%.

Throughout the
next
three year, Indonesia’s
Do not mix variants of the same word ('urbanisation' and 'urbanization') within a single text.
urbanisation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
rises
sharply
, peaking at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
80% in 2020.
In contrast
, the urbanization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in Korea has a slow-down growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
time from 2017 to 2019. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
dropped
sharply
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
40% in 2020.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that both countries experienced a growth in their
Do not mix variants of the same word ('urbanisation' and 'urbanization') within a single text.
urbanisation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in South Korea it almost dropped by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.

IELTS academic The line graph below illustrates the difference in rates of urbanization in Korea and Indonesia.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
183 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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