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The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. VBgjm
The line graph and pie chart shows the information on crime in the UK for the last year. Different age of people has different number of crimes. There are also a lot of type of crime happens last year in UK such as violent crime, property crime, drug crime and public order crime. First of all, people which is 0 to 8 years olds gets the lowest number of crimes which is 0 tens of thousands who involved in crime. After that, people who reach 12 years olds will have about 5 tens of thousands involve in crimes. When people reach 16 years old the climate rate increases fiercely to 70 tens of thousands. When people reach 20 years old the number of crimes is the highest which is 80 tens of thousands. When people reach 24 years old the climate rate started to decrease and it's climate rate become 60 tens of thousands. When people become 28 years old, the climate rate decrease until 20 tens of thousands and when people reaches 32 to 40 years old the number of crimes will in the range of 20 to 10 tens of thousands. After people become 44 years old the number of crimes they involve will become 10 tens of thousands and after 44 years old the number of crimes is below 10 tens of thousands. There different types of crimes. The highest crime that happens in last year is the violent crime which is 46% out of 100%. Then, it is follow by the property crime which has 23%, drug crime which has 22% and the last is the public order crime which has 9% of them. In conclusions, people who is 20 years old has the highest crime rate and the type of crime that people usually involve inis the violent crime in UK last year. Everyone need to have rational thinking and this before they do and do not involve themselves in crime which will causes their future become hopeless and society which is never will become safe and sound.
The line graph and pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the information on
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crime
in the UK for

the last
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year
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
age of
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people
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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number
of
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crimes
. There

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
type of
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crime
happens last
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year
in UK such as violent

crime, property
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crime
, drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and public order crime.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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people
which is 0 to 8 years olds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of

crimes which is 0 tens of thousands who involved in
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crime
. After that,

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
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reach
12 years olds will have about 5 tens of thousands

involve in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
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people
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reach
16 years
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old
the climate rate

increases
fiercely
to 70 tens of thousands.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
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people
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reach
20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old


the
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number
of
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crimes
is the highest which is 80 tens of thousands.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
When


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reach
24 years
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old
the climate
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rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decrease and it's

climate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
60 tens of thousands.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
When
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
28 years

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the climate
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rate
decrease until 20 tens of thousands and when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
reaches
32 to 40 years
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old
the
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number
of
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crimes
will in the range of 20 to

10 tens of thousands. After
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people
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become
44 years
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old
the
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number
of

crimes they involve will
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become
10 tens of thousands and after 44 years

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is below 10 tens of thousands.

There
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. The highest
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crime
that happens in last year

is the violent
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crime
which is 46% out of 100%. Then, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "followed".
follow
by the

property
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crime
which has 23%, drug
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which has 22% and the last is

the public order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which has 9% of them.

In conclusions,
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people
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
is
20 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
has the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
and

the type of
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crime
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
involve
Possible spelling mistake found.
inis
the violent
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crime
in UK
‘last year’ indicates a finished event of the past. Please check the predicate's tense.
last year
. Everyone need to have rational thinking and this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they do and

do not involve themselves in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
which will causes their future become

hopeless and society which is never will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
safe and sound.
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IELTS academic The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
343 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • The line graph and pie chart below show information on crime in the UK for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.