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The line chart shows the number of postal boxes shipped by two different delivery companies between 1920 and 2000

The line chart shows the number of postal boxes shipped by two different delivery companies between 1920 and 2000 ElXQx
The diagram gives information about the number of parcels delivered by the world’s two major mail services companies between 1920 and 2000. As the diagram shows, the beginnings of each of these two companies had an enormous difference. FedEx had a better start in 1920 but in 2000, TNT was the company that had a larger number of parcels delivered. In 1920, the number of parcels delivered by Federal Express was 15000 while TNT only delivered about 5000 parcels. From 1920 to 1940, FedEx company kept developing really fast and rose to nearly 25000 parcels in 1940 and TNT Mail Services grew, too. But their increase wasn’t as much as FedEx, only went up steadily from 5000 parcels in 1920 to over 10000 in 1960. After a dramatic rise, FedEx suddenly had only 13000 parcels delivered in 1950, it was a sharp fall, over 10000 parcels less than 1940. TNT company’s stable rise helped it developed steadily. The number of parcels delivered of FedEx stood at around 13000 in 10 years before went up to nearly 20000 in 1980 and reduced slightly in the next 20 years. In contrast, TNT jumped to over 20000 parcels delivered in 1990 and kept incresing to just under 25000 parcels in 2000, more than 5000 compared to FedEx. In conclusion, we can see how the unstable development affected to FedEx’s business while TNT, starting at a lower point but finally, became the company with bigger revenue.
The diagram gives information about the
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number
of
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parcels
delivered by the world’s two major mail services
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companies
between 1920 and 2000. As the diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, the beginnings of each of these two
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companies
had an enormous difference. FedEx had a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in 1920
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2000,
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TNT
was the
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company
that had a larger
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number
of
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parcels
delivered.

In 1920, the
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parcels
delivered by Federal Express was 15000 while
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TNT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
delivered about 5000
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parcels
. From 1920 to 1940, FedEx
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company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
developing
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and rose to
nearly
25000
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parcels
in 1940 and
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TNT
Mail Services grew, too.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
their increase wasn’t as much as FedEx,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
went up
steadily
from 5000
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parcels
in 1920 to over 10000 in 1960. After a dramatic rise, FedEx
suddenly
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
13000
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parcels
delivered in 1950, it was a sharp fall, over 10000
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parcels
less than 1940.
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TNT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
stable rise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
it developed
steadily
. The
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parcels
delivered of FedEx stood at around 13000 in 10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
went up to
nearly
20000 in 1980 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
slightly
in the
next
20 years.
In contrast
,
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TNT
jumped to over 20000
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parcels
delivered in 1990 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
Possible spelling mistake found.
incresing
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 25000
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parcels
in 2000, more than 5000
Possible agreement error. The noun 'compared' seems to be countable, so consider using: "compares".
compared
to FedEx.

In conclusion
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how the unstable development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to FedEx’s business while
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TNT
, starting at a lower point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
finally
, became the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with bigger revenue.
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IELTS academic The line chart shows the number of postal boxes shipped by two different delivery companies between 1920 and 2000

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
242 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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