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The Japanese international tourists trend

The Japanese international tourists trend r10y2
The first diagram below illustrates the number of Japanese who did international traveling in ten years, namely between 1985 and 1995. Meanwhile, the second diagram presents Australia’s share progress that came from the Japanese tourists. Specifically, based on the first diagram, there was a significant increase of Japanese tourists quantity who decided to have a vacation abroad. However, this trend, for a moment, had a slight decrease from 1990 to 1991. Furthermore, the Japanese international tourists also used to have steady progress from 1992 to 1993, before it was started to climb again in 1994. Apart from that, in the second diagram, Australia, which became one of the Japanese tourists’ destinations, also showed a substantial escalation within 10 years. Nevertheless, there were twice decreases moment that experienced by Australia, which impacted its share, namely in 1989 and 1994.
The
first
diagram below illustrates the number of Japanese who did international traveling in ten years,
namely
between 1985 and 1995. Meanwhile, the second diagram presents Australia’s share progress that came from the Japanese tourists.

Specifically
, based on the
first
diagram, there was a significant increase of Japanese
tourists
quantity who decided to have a vacation abroad.
However
, this trend, for a moment, had a slight decrease from 1990 to 1991.
Furthermore
, the Japanese international tourists
also
used
to have steady progress from 1992 to 1993,
before
it was
started
to climb again in 1994.

Apart from that, in the second diagram, Australia, which became one of the Japanese tourists’ destinations,
also
showed
a substantial escalation within 10 years.
Nevertheless
, there were twice decreases moment that experienced by Australia, which impacted its share,
namely
in 1989 and 1994.
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IELTS academic The Japanese international tourists trend

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
138 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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