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The illustrated bar chart provides information regarding the teenagers’ hour consumption for 7 different activities between 2002 and 2007.

The illustrated bar chart provides information regarding the teenagers’ hour consumption for 7 different activities between 2002 and 2007. l7oJ9
The illustrated bar chart provides information regarding the teenagers’ hour consumption for 7 different activities between 2002 and 2007. Overall, it is obvious from the graph that the number of hours for the first three activities increased annually, whereas for the 4, the decrease can be observed. Furthermore, for given all years, teenagers preferred to watch TV, especially in 2007, which is calculated to be roughly 38 hours per week. In an analogous way, the least preferable event was playing bowling. Some of the activities are presented to be the same for sequential several years. Clearly, the number of hours adolescent went to bars or pubs were equal in years between 2004 and 2006, estimated approximately 12 hours per week. To summarize, the most popular activity among the young generation was watching TV, increasing year by year, while the desire in doing homework decreased in the same manner.
The illustrated bar chart provides information regarding the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
consumption for 7
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
between 2002 and 2007.

Overall
, it is obvious from the graph that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for the
first
three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
increased
annually
, whereas for the 4, the decrease can
be observed
.
Furthermore
, for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
all years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV,
especially
in 2007, which
is calculated
to be roughly 38
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week.
Consider replacing "In an analogous way" with the adverb for "analogous"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
In an analogous way
, the least preferable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
was
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going bowling".
playing bowling
.

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are presented
to be the same for sequential several years.
Clearly
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
adolescent went to bars or pubs were equal in years between 2004 and 2006, estimated approximately 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week.

To summarize
, the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among the young generation was watching TV, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, while the desire in doing homework decreased in the same manner.

IELTS academic The illustrated bar chart provides information regarding the teenagers’ hour consumption for 7 different activities between 2002 and 2007.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
148 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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